An adult usually falls in love spontaneously, establishes relationships and sometimes gets married without so many hassles or hard work.

However, maintaining a relationship with your spouse is not that straightforward and requires active and conscious effort.

How to develop a strong relationship with your spouse

Most people ask questions about how to establish relationships, and most online dating sites dwell on how to meet single males or females with specific attributes.

However, very few people hold discussions on how these relationships will be maintained or sustained after it has been established.

To make your relationship with your spouse last long you will need some of the tips stated below.


Good communication is very important, in maintaining a good spousal relationship. Couples who discuss regularly are more likely to have a stronger relationship when compared with couples who communicate sparely.

Arguments and disagreements are natural occurrences among couples however with good communication these are resolved amicably. It is the intent that matters most times.

Couples can resolve their disagreements calmly with a low tone and positive arguments.

However high tone and negative comments might strain relationships between couples and should be avoided as much as possible.

Couples should be able to express what borders them freely without fear of intimidation, retaliation or negative criticism.

Pay attention to your partner’s nonverbal cues

Not all communication is verbal. A good percentage of communication is done non-verbally.

When you pay attention to your partner’s body language, you will be able to know how they feel and will be able to respond accordingly.

For a relationship to work well, the couple needs to know each other’s non-verbal cues and the appropriate way to respond.

Couples should be honest with each other

Distrust can have serious negative effects on the relationship with your spouse.

Couples who intend to have a strong and long relationship must be honest with themselves to avoid trust-related issues in their relationship.

Spend quality time with each other

Although couples might have busy schedules, making time to spend quality time with each other will help build stronger spousal relationships.

Couples can see movies together, walk together or simply cook dinner together. It is the good times that you had with your spouse that keep the relationship with your spouse going when things get a bit rough.

People need space from time to time to refresh, cool off and rearrange themselves, this is also obtainable in spousal relationships.

Couples should be attentive to each other needs and try to understand when their partner needs some space.


Intimacy has a role in maintaining lasting spousal relationships. Quite several married couples have lost the fireworks when it comes to sex and romance.

Couples who intend to have a lasting relationship with their spouse need to spice their relationship up with regular sex and romance.

Frequent affectionate touching such as kissing, holding hands and hugging are equally effective in sustaining the relationship with your spouse.

However you should know what your partner wants, unwanted touch may have negative effects on the relationship with your spouse and should be avoided.

Apologise when you are wrong

Couples should learn how to say sorry, especially when they offend each other. Likewise, couples should be able to accept a sincere apology from each other.

This ability to say sorry and easily accept sincere apologies from your spouse is essential for a strong relationship with your spouse.

Work for the relationship

Relationships typically involve more than one person. For relationships to be maintained the individuals concerned must play some role in the relationship.

The spousal relationship is not different, consequently, if you intend to have a lasting relationship with your spouse both partners will need to contribute to the relationship physically, emotionally and otherwise.

Accommodate each other

Relationships may involve people with different backgrounds, education, training, exposure and so on.

Couples need to accommodate and tolerate their differences if they intend to have a strong spousal relationship.

Respect each other friends

Couples might have some friends in common, however, depending on their profession, lifestyle and other factors there may also be individual colleagues or friends.

Couples should reasonably respect each other’s friends because this network of friends and colleagues forms part of the bigger system in which the couples live.

Go to bed at the same time

Going to bed simultaneously has some role to play in maintaining the relationship with your spouse.

Couples who go to bed together are more likely to indulge in discussions while in bed, romance and regular sexual intercourse. This has positive effects on the relationship with your spouse.

Complement each other

This serves to make the couples emotionally connected. Making each other feel valued and loved is important for a lasting relationship with your spouse.

Peaceful coexistence without a feeling of being loved or valued will inevitably result in a weak relationship with your spouse.

Learn to give and take

If you want your relationship to last, you need to give and take. If you expect to get everything you want in a relationship, then you will likely have problems with your spouse.

Good relationships are built on compromise from each partner. It is expected that with an active effort from each couple, there will be a reasonable exchange between them.

Share your daily ups and downs

Relationships are bound to have ups and downs because each partner will occasionally have moments of good news, promotions, successes, breakthroughs and so on.

Other times there may be disappointment, failure or stressful moments. These moments affect the other partner and should be shared/discussed daily by couples.

This is a good way of maintaining healthy communication channels between couples.

Make plans together

Couples who make plans together are likely to have a stronger relationship than couples who make plans independently only to inform the spouse later. Such one-sided plans may not be convenient for the other partner.

Allow past events to remain in the past

Especially when these events were bad and have been apologised for. Bringing them up intermittently when you disagree with your spouse will further strain the relationship and should be avoided.

Don’t bring up divorce or separation frequently

Talking about separation or divorce at the slightest provocation will have negative effects on your relationship.

Bringing up break-up issues frequently will give your partner the impression that you will walk out of the relationship once things go rough.

Couples who intend to keep their relationship should desist from such discussions except when they are very sure they want to walk away from the relationship.

Don’t be indifferent to your partner’s plans

Couples who intend to have a strong relationship should avoid being indifferent about their partners’ plans and ambitions.

This will send a wrong signal to your partner that you are not interested in sharing a future with him or her.

As much as possible align your plans and ambitions with that of your partner reasonably.

Accept your partner for who he or she is

We have in mind how we expect our ideal man or woman to be. You have it all figured out in your head. You expect a certain height, physique complexion, status and so on.

The truth is that we don’t get to have all the attributes we seek in a partner and vice versa.

However, for a strong relationship, we must truly accept our spouse the way he or she is.

Learn from each other

The Relationship with your spouse typically involves two adults. These adults who decided to come together have different capabilities strengths and weaknesses.

Couples should take advantage of these differential capabilities, interests and weaknesses to learn from each other.